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Need a little help from my friends

By Tara Zandra | April 10, 2013

I woke feeling better, though still not right. I did get up and I worked out, but my heart wasn’t in it. But a half-hearted work out is still better than nothing so I won’t dwell on it.

**See what I did there? I do it a lot. I mention a negative and then try to put a positive spin on it. I wonder why? As a child, no one would have ever accused me of being an optimist or looking on the bright side. At some point in my life that kind of changed. I’m more realist than pessimist now, and that I don’t mind. I don’t know that I ever minded being negative but I know I drove my mother batty with my attitude. Tabi has that negative trait as well, though in a different way. But she definitely tends to focus on the negative. Knowing that I have changed gives me hope with her. Oh sure, I can try and tell her to focus on the positive and not dwell on the negative, but there’s that whole “easier said than done” thing.**

But back to the topic at hand. I got my kids to where they needed to be, but the whole drive there (which sucked, and there is no way to make that positive) I could feel myself sinking again. I still don’t get it and without understanding what was causing my issues, I had no handle on how to fix me. I started thinking that all I really needed was someone to talk to. Goodness knows Chris got enough of my wallowing yesterday (as he reads this, I know he will tell me he doesn’t mind and that’s what he’s there for and thank all that is truly great, he actually means it), so I started trying to figure out who I could call. So while lately I have become very aware of how many friends I actually have (a number great than 2, who would have thought?!), I still was unsure who to unload on- especially since the best I could come up with was “I just don’t feel right.”

I had various reasons of why I did or didn’t call someone and then figured how who I wanted so I texted her- but didn’t actually send for 5-minutes because I’m not one for admitting stuff is wrong. Plus, I have friends with issues far greater than mine and I feel horrible for complaining about any aspect of my pretty damn good life. Thankfully she was available and immediately called me and we talked for almost an hour.

And like that, I felt so much better. We touched a little bit about things kind of bothering me that I knew she could relate to but also just talked. I’m not a phone person at all so this was very new for me. It was so lovely.

I still wasn’t at my best, but I was so much closer.

And the day went on. Daisy had a Brownie meeting (my heart still swells with oh-so-much pride at how well Tabitha handles these meetings-truly phenomenal), and then the girls were playing while I goofed off on Buzzfeed (my current fav. website). Eventually it was time for dance and I listened to a podcast (my first!) and then Chris arrived and we ran an errand together and then another friend arrived and we chatted for a little bit while we waited for the girls to change.

And then, I drove my car. It is amazing how much I love this car. It’s not perfect, but I do heart it so. Such a joy to drive and the weather was perfect and the music was glorious and that pretty much did it.

I feel normal.

For me anyway.

We won’t bother to define what that may actually mean.

Coming up tomorrow- no more self pity, but a field trip report!

Topics: Life |

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