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Won’t you be my friend?

By Tara Zandra | November 20, 2012

Once upon a time I met a guy who I was quite smitten with. Though he was a friend of a friend and I did get an introduction, I didn’t really know him. All I knew was he had great hair and I very much wanted to go out with him. I finagled another meeting and I could tell he was never going to make a move so it was up to me. I simply told him I found him attractive and asked him out. He said yes, we’ve been married 16 years now. But that’s not even my point.

I was able to ask him out and it was assumed that it was to see if we were romantically compatible (we were). But when it comes to making friends, the same tactic can’t be applied.

When you’re a kid, you meet someone at the playground, one of you makes a move asking the other to play, and then it’s best friends for the next hour of playtime.

When I worked at Disneyland and met new people on a daily basis I didn’t do to much outside of work with anyone simply because I’ve always been the type of person who only needs 2 or 3 close friends. I didn’t drink so the party scene wasn’t my thing which means I wasn’t really invited to a lot of the fun stuff. I doubt I would have gone anyway since I’ve never been a party person. Of course, I did build strong bonds with a few people but even now we’re only in touch via facebook.

So my current friendships tend to be other moms and I think that makes sense given how homeschooling is pretty much what our life revolves around. Again, though, I bonded with a handful of women, and now have no need for more friends. But if I did, the ice breaker is already there in that we can talk about our kids or homeschooling or our spouses. Basically, the “in” is already there.

The problem is how to make a friend in the absence of a common denominator. I can’t walk up to someone I’ve just met and ask them on a friend date. I could ask Chris out no problem way back when, as dating is what two single people do and it’s perfectly acceptable to hit on near perfect strangers. I guess people do in fact ask others out for coffee and such, but man would that feel awkward. It’s like a platonic version of that Carly Rae song. “Hey I just met you, and you don’t know a thing about me. But I’m drawn to you in a completely friendship way. Wanna hang out and see if we can be besties?” Maybe some people do that- I am not these people.

Topics: Life |

One Response to “Won’t you be my friend?”

  1. Mel Says:
    November 25th, 2012 at 2:43 am

    I know what you mean. I wish there were reputable sites like match.com just for friendships…nothing smarmy… Now that B is older I don’t really interact with new moms any more…all my friends were left behind in CO. I drop her off at her classes and pick her up. That’s it. And honestly I am tired of making friends based on motherhood/homeschool…I never fit in with that crowd very well and always felt forced or that I needed to hold my real self back a bit…I treasure the friends I made before becoming a mom because they were about ME and me alone…there is something very special about that but no idea how to make new ones here in WA. Other than churches there isn’t much social action or clubs, etc.