« Happy leftover fireworks day! | Home | into the weekend »

ungrateful for fridays

By Tara Zandra | July 6, 2012

I’m always grumpy on Fridays.

Movie sucked last night- made it through maybe half an hour. Should have gone with my gut on that one, I knew I didn’t want to see it. I want to see The Artist which is at Redbox right now. Kind of want to watch Hatfields and McCoys as it’s been sitting on the Tivo for a while now, but can’t work up the real desire to watch it.

Having anxiety attacks again which I pretty much had all through the spring and thought I was done with. Nope! Can’t sleep, on edge, boiling pit in my stomach, no desire to do anything.

Except there are things I want to do but as usual, I’m stuck in other people’s schedules. I thought dance being over would help, but now we’ve two solid weeks of me driving Kid A to and from day camps, 2 birthday parties, making good on play date promises to Kid B and now we start summer dance class next week.

And I’m fat, or at least I feel that way when exactly one pair of pants isn’t too tight. Ironically they’re too big and therefore also uncomfortable. I know I’m not fat, but I am overweight and it’s not healthy. But my morning workouts keep getting derailed. If I’m not up precisely at the right time, they don’t happen because I have to get kids up at a certain time and feed them and all that. But I feel silly setting my alarm so darn early in the morning on weekends and holidays and then yesterday there was a fort in my living room so I’ve only worked out twice this week and that makes me kind of stabby. I like working out, I don’t like the scheduling hassle that goes with it.

I work so much better with written plans (my plans, that I make for my needs, not other people’s plans that I then have to put in the forefront thereby derailing all my plans), but I simply haven’t had a moment to do them. At least not the way I want. I need a couple hours alone maybe to really work on my menus and schedules and lesson ideas and bento ideas. I was thinking I could go sit by myself at park today and work on some stuff, but if my friends are there, I do want to talk with them, and if they aren’t and I go off by myself, then I look anti-social. Which I could get around with a quick explanation though, so maybe I should go ahead and take my stuff with me in case I can be alone for a while. Not like the kids want me to notice them for fear I’ll tell them it’s time to go home.

Well now, I have a small plan in place, I got a lot of crap off my chest, turns out I feel a little better (persisiting anxiety aside). Time to open a celebratory Diet Coke and finish getting ready for the day. Plus throw stuff in the crock pot for dinner. And pack lunches. And gather what I want to take with me. Or, you know, check facebook a few more times :)

Topics: Life |

Comments